Overcoming The Challenges Of Life & Learning To Breathe Again
An Open Love Letter To My Best Friend
We all have our problems in life. Not one of us is perfect. More than likely you have dirty laundry you don’t want to be aired, baggage that holds you down and even deep dark skeletons hiding in the closet. This is something that defines the last decade of my life, and maybe a little further than that.
Life has taken a toll on me and has hit me in ways I never thought it could. Even after the bruises, the beatdowns, and broken spirit life gave me, I still popped right back up every single time. With every hit in life, while on the outside the world sees strength, what it equates too internally is me being broken down more and more.
On the inside, I have become jaded, grievous, hurt and calloused, all while still continuing to be vulnerable to at least some level. I may have grown a thicker skin, but I still believe in opening up, at least at the core. I’m naturally wired to care for, love and serve. Not a common characteristic these days. To some even perceived as signs of weakness. So it makes it pretty easy to want to mask not only my hurts but my innermost being. (Anyone who knows me, knows different)
So when it came to others or meeting new people, trusting was always an issue. It is not exactly easy to break the scab and let it bleed for someone that I barely know or just am not ready to bare that much about my life to. To be completely honest, even the ones I do love and trust don’t know me to the core.
I can’t help but feel like I’ve been damaged goods, but yet I still wanted to be loved and love like I’m not. Could anyone really see past all the things that held me down?
There comes the point when you get tired of hoping for it to happen. You just end up letting the wounds scar up, and you find a way to keep moving forward in life. Except now I started living with a void in my life. I tried to fill it with endeavors, experiences and encounters that in the end had only buried things deeper. This does not make it any easier for someone who genuinely cares, and tries to break the surface of everything.
There were so many things that had hurt me, giving out my trust was practically impossible. So I did what I have learned to do, keep people to a distance and do everything from triggering a conversation to talk about it.
As if going through life doesn’t produce enough stress and anxiety, but so have situations when someone wants me to open up to them about things. Initially, you can count on things being shut down or just a complete blackout on my part. Which ultimately completes the circle, by spiraling me into a full-blown depression left wondering will I ever be able to be loved and to love.
Then something miraculous happened…
Most surprisingly, in the form of a collaborator, a special person came into my life. After a time of getting to know each other in a creative effort, I noticed that things had started to take direction into a friendship. Not just any sort of friendship but one of those types of bonds that you know are going to impact the rest of your life. Now let me tell you that this friendship started swelling with a connection that was beyond unique but very compelling. It’s like it was awakening thoughts and receptors that I thought were long gone.
It was nice to be able to have real and meaningful conversions with a woman who I was beginning to hold in high regard. There are a lot of reasons that sets her apart from the rest of the world. This isn’t intended to be a listicle by any means but you have to learn to appreciate all the qualities of a person who you’d do anything for.
This beautiful soul has consistently brought out the best in me. Even in situations where I didn’t think I could overcome, she has a shine in her that helps me discover who I really am. She has inspired me to be not only a better friend but also a better human being.
One of the things that I admire about her the most is her independence. She isn’t afraid to climb a mountain just for the sake of exploring, but she also carries a strength that allows her to slay her own dragons in life.
All the while she has an edge that she is not afraid to show. Even so, you can carry one of the most intellectual conversations with. But you better watch out because she will catch you off guard with her off the wall sense of humor. Maybe it’s her corny jokes or that she’s not afraid to call me out on my corny jokes, but I can always count on her to lighten the mood. If she starts talking in Russian I know I’m about to be rolling.
I am thankful to have found my best friend. Someone who not only understands me but lets me know her as well. Something I learned a long time ago, is you just meet a handful of people in your life that will always have your back. I have learned over the years that she is the one I can depend on no matter what. No matter the situation, she wants the best for me in every single situation and lifts me up if I’m not meeting that standard. I’ve realized that this is too precious and rare and on this level indeed only comes once in a lifetime.
For me, you are the perfectly imperfect person and wouldn’t have it any other way. You are an incredibly thoughtful person who holds no judgment towards me. You have a heart of gold, a wildly honest personality, and you’re a protector by nature. You’ve been there protecting me and supporting me since we started our adventure. You’ve allowed me to protect you in the same regards. That takes a relationship of trust that stands true. I am never fighting battles alone. You’ve shown me the best things in this friendship.
You have truly touched my heart over these years. Thank you for letting me share all my secrets, being there for me in the tough times, and be someone I can have fun with. Thank you for accepting me precisely as who I am. I just want to say thank you for the gift that is you and letting me love you too.